Sick Jokes/mix Jokes

now you do have to understand something about me i have a sick sense of humor now so dont get offended.

Q: How can you tell if your husband is dead?
A: The sex is the same, but you get the remote.

Q: What's the difference between menstrual blood and sand?
A: You can't gargle with sand.

Q: What do vegetarian worms eat?
A: Linda McCartney.

Q: What is the result if you take a viagra with a valium?
A: If you don't get a fuck you don't give a fuck.

Q: What's the difference between a gynecologist and a geneologist?
A: A geneologist looks up your family tree and a gyneologist looks up your family bush.

Q: When is a pixie not a pixie?
A: When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin'.

Q: Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?
A: They don't want to wear out the camel.

Q: What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
A: Outlaws are wanted.

Q: How do you get a man to eat shit?
A: Wipe forwards.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: Why are men like blenders?
A: You need one, but you're not quite sure why ...o r...They burn out if you run them to hard...

Q: Why are hangovers better than women?
A: Hangovers will go away.

Q: How do you know when your sister is on the rag?
A: When your dad's dick tastes like blood.

Q: What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?
A: They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.

Q: Why don't Canadians have group sex?
A: Too many thank-you letters to write afterwards.

Q: How do you make a dog drink?
A: Put it in a blender.

Q: Why did God put men on earth?
A: Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn

Q: What's the difference between a Ritz and a lesbian?
A: One's a snack cracker, the other's a crack snacker.

Q: What's the best part of eating cherry pie yet the worst part of eating hair pie?
A: The crust.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom?
A: A pick pocket snatches watches.

Q: How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
A: It's not hard.

Q: What's white and clings to a toilet wall?
A: George Michael's latest release.

Q: What's black and blue and hates sex?
A: A rape victim.

Q: What has a woman got in common with a box of Kentucky Fried Chicken?
A: Once you get past the tender breast and the juicy thigh, all you're left with is a greasy box.

Q: What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ?
A: Crib death.

Q: What does a girl with bulimia call two fingers?
A: Desert.

Q. What's the best thing about eating cherry pie, but the worst thing about eating hair pie?
A. The crust.

Q. Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy?
A. He did okay until his business fell off.

Q. What's green, covered in crumbs, and lies on the side of the road?
A. A dead Girl Scout .

Q: What's green, smells bad and has 12 tits?
A: A garbage bag at a breast cancer clinic.

Q. What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?
A. The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm.

Q. How to you make a cat go "woof?"
A. Douse it in gasoline, light a match, and "woooof!"

Q. How do you make a dog go "meow?"
A. Put it in a deep freeze for 5 days, take it out, put a circular saw to it: "meeeeeeoooowwwww."

Q. What has 4 legs and one arm?
A: A pit bull on a playground.

Q. Why does a rancher fuck a goat at the end of a cliff?
A. So the goat will push back.

Q. Whats the definition of disgusting?
A. Stuffing a dozen oysters into your granny's cunt and sucking out thirteen.

Q. What's the hardest thing about eating a vegetable?
A. Getting her out of the wheelchair!

Q. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and use a lubricant.

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again!

Q. Why do men pay more than women for car insurance?
A. Because women don`t get blow jobs while they`re driving.

Q. What`s the difference between mayonnaise and semen?
A. Mayonnaise doesn`t hit the back of a girl's throat at thirty miles an hour.

Q. How can you tell if you have a bad overbite?
A. You eat pussy and it tastes like shit.

Q. What do you call six lepers in a hot tub?
A. Porridge.

Q. Why is a pussy like a warm toilet seat?
A. They both feel good but you wonder who's been there before you.

Q. What's grosser than eating your grandmother's pussy?
A. Banging your head on the coffin lid after you're done.

Q. Hear about Kentucky-Freud Chicken?
A. It's mother-fucking good!

Q. How many sorority girls does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Silly, sorority girls don't screw in lightbulbs -- they screw in pools of vomit!

Q. What's the difference between anal sex and a microwave oven?
A. A microwave oven won't brown your meat!

Q. Why should you wear ribbed condoms for anal sex?
A. Better traction in the mud.

Q. If a stork brings white babies, and a crow brings black babies, what brings no babies at all?
A. A swallow.

Q. What's white and sticky and found on the bathroom wall?
A. George Michael's latest release.

Q. "Johnny, can you use "indefinitely" in a sentence?"
A. "Sure! When my balls are slapping up against her ass, I'm in . . . definitely!"

Q. What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery guy have in common?
A. They can smell it, but they can't eat it!

Q. How old is "old enough?"
A. Hey, if they're crawling, they're already in the right position!

Q: What's eighteen inches long, has a purple head, and makes a woman scream all night long?
A: Crib death!

Q: What's the dirtiest line ever said on television?
A: "Ward, don't you think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night?"

Q. What's the second dirtiest line ever said on television?
A. "June, I'm going upstairs to help the boys pack some fudge."

Q: What do you do after eating a bald pussy?
A: Put the diaper back on.

Q. What's the great thing about an Ethiopian blow job?
A. You know she'll swallow.

Q. Why does a bride smile as she walks up the aisle?
A. She knows she's given her last blow job.

Q. What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
A. Cough, gag, choke . . .

Q. What do you call an Ethiopian taking a shit?
A. A fucking show-off!

Q. What does 78-year-old snatch smell like?
A. Depends!

Q. How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?
A. Pick him up and suck his dick

Q. Why did Jeffrey Dahmer keep a blender on his porch?
A. So he could greet visitors with a handshake.

Q. How do you get a really old, skanky whore lubricated?
A. Stick in a couple of fingers, scratch off some scabs, and let the pus run.

Q. How can you tell when your husband has an abnormally high sperm count?
A. You have to chew before you swallow.

Q. What do you get when you stab a baby fifteen times with a butcher knife?
A. A hard-on.

What's three feet tall and sucks your dick?
My four-year-old.

How do you make a peach crumble?

Kick her in the groin

Q: What is the height of surprise?
A: A man having sex with a pregnant women and.....suddenly......... someone grabs it.

Q: What's the best thing about six-month-old girls?
A1: No pubic hair in the teeth.
A2: The sound of her pelvis cracking during sex.
A3: So tight.
A4: Virgins are more fun.
A5: Small graves, cheap coffins.
A6: You could conceivably keep on in a jar of formaldehyde on a bookshelf.
A7: No venereal disease.
A8: They can't identify the rapist in court.
A9: No teeth. Yeah, that's right.
A10: They don't say no, no matter WHAT hole it is.
A11: You can transport more corpses in your trunk.
A12: Tender meat.
A13: Nothing. Little BOYS, though . . . !

Nikon you really are quite sick, it's a shame that with your "enjoyment" of your posting you duplicated quite a few... what a bloody waste of 5 minutes reading this drivle

there are some sick ones in there man... real sick... and not in a good way neither.

Very funny! Made me laugh alot, thanks buddy. But yeah there was alot of duplicates

...u sick F***K

IMHO I don't think getting a hard on when stabbing a baby 15 times is mentally healthy

You wanna know sick? I'm sick, but half of this is perverted as hell and shouldn't even be thought about. If you actually come up with this stuff yourself..

...Damn...

... Had to read through it a few times...

... woah...

I'm sure you have heard this before, but people like you should be locked up somewhere unable to contact the sane...

Maybe getting screwed by senior citizens... on Viagra... oh that works.

U seem to like Granny snatch, so I don't see how itt'd work

... PEACE

meh i've read these all before on websites that list jokes like this, he prolly just copy pasted this from one of em dont lynch him

How you stop a dog from humping your leg?

Pick him up and give him a blow job.